Sir Graham Henry's new Rugby Party set to kick the opposition into touch

Hot on the heels of Kim Dotcom's Internet Party comes the announcement today by Father of the Nation Sir Graham Henry that his new Rugby Party will also be contesting this year's election.

"I've founded the Rugby Party because this country needs world-champion politicians as much as it needs world-champion rugby players," Henry told a senior assembly at Auckland Grammar School this morning.

"Quite frankly, the current government is under-performing in almost every aspect of the game. They haven't just dropped the ball -- they've sold nearly half of it to foreign investors, and you can't play the game with half a ball."

New Zealand Gerald has obtained a copy of a leaked strategy document reportedly written by former All Blacks Graham Thorne and Richard Loe in which the following are listed as the Rugby Party's key policies:

• The replacement of the Cabinet with an "Executive First 15" who will be supported by a rotating "Bench" of junior ministers.
• A ban on all French imports. "French wine and cheese are particularly debilitating for New Zealand's prospective All Blacks."
• A ban on spherical balls in school playgrounds.
• The marking of a 22-metre line on fields used in ALL sporting codes in New Zealand.
• The replacement of Religious Education with Rugby Education in all primary schools in order to dispel any confusion between rucks and mauls and penalties and conversions in the minds of future All Blacks.

  Asked what he thought the Rugby Party's chances were in this year's election, Henry smiled and quipped, "Kiwis care more about rugby than they do about life itself. I stake my leadership on becoming New Zealand's next prime minister. We only have to win by one seat."  

Len Brown doesn't do his own laundry, alleges Graham McCready

Graham McCready, who has been described by no lesser an authority than Cameron Slater as a "serial litigant, convicted fraudster, blackmailer and now bankrupt", has today alleged that Shan Inglis, wife of embattled Auckland mayor Len Brown, does some of her husband's laundering for him.

Now, one of the main planks of Len Brown's 2013 campaign was that he always did his own washing and ironing, and this arguably tipped many undecided voters in his favour. Doubts over the veracity of this statement were raised soon after his election victory, of course, when several loads of Mr Brown's dirty washing were aired in public, first by the aforementioned Slater and then, incessantly, by the New Zealand Herald.

And now Mr McCready has dropped his latest bombshell, alleging that gifts in the name of Ms Inglis were a "laundering exercise'' to avoid Len Brown having to declare them on his register of interests. By accepting these freebies, maintains McCready, Ms Inglis became a party to her husband's alleged laundering and "in the interest of justice she ought to be made accountable".

If proven true, McCready's allegations will pile further pressure on Mr Brown to admit that he does not, in fact, do all his own washing, an admission that could well prolong indefinitely the tumultuous spin cycle he currently finds himself in.