Thank God for Colin Craig

Join me, my fellow New Zealanders, in giving thanks for the existence of Conservative Party leader Colin Craig, a man whose political savvy makes Machiavelli look like Aaron Gilmore and who today has told the country that he still does what all right-minded Kiwi parents do: smack their kids. It shows a truly remarkable amount of courage on Colin’s part to fight the law (and God knows he’ll win come election day!), the same kind of courage it takes to smack one’s children.

I myself draw on all my reserves of courage before smacking my 2-year-old boy. Just last night at the dinner table he refused point blank to say grace and I was forced to fetch him a clip round both ears, a manoeuvre his persistent disobedience has given me ample opportunity to perfect. 

So let us give thanks again for Colin, for his having the courage to speak out and affirm Kiwi parents’ God-given right to smack their kids. If God hadn’t wanted us to smack our kids, He wouldn’t have given us hands, and the fact that He’s given us feet is a pretty strong indication that He isn’t averse to us giving our kids the odd kicking when the occasion requires either.

Colin's courage has inspired me to design a t shirt that every smack-friendly parent should wear with pride. My dream is to hear the righteous voices of NZ parents raised in one unified "Smack Attack" against Sue Bradford's evil law, chanting "Smack your kids up!" all the way to the steps of Parliament.  God bless you, Colin Craig, Saviour of the Smack!